« aftermath and 'after-math' | Main | Finally Friday »

September 16, 2005

indifference

What do I want to do?

I’ve been asked that question more times in the last 6 months than I think I’ve been asked my entire life. My current employer is awesome because they appear to genuinely care about that. Not only because placing me in a position that makes me happy and furthers my career goals is profitable for them in the long run, but also because when I’m unhappy, I advertise that I am unhappy, and the company looks bad. I went to business school, I know that all organizations have ulterior motives.

The problem is, I don’t have an answer. My job is NOT my life. My job is what allows me to live my life. And I don’t want that to change.

That question, “What do I want?” is answered much more easily.
I want to make enough money to live comfortably.
I want the ability to work from home from time to time.
I want a 40 hour work week max.
I want my career to escalate through time.

But, “What do I want to do?”
I’m wordless.

There are way too many things, and none of them are relevant to what I was educated to do. I want to be a forensic investigator and put together pieces of the puzzle and solve mysteries. I want to be a doctor and heal people. I want to volunteer with the red cross and help build houses for the evacuees in the gulf coast. I want to design buildings. I want to see Europe.

Sometimes I feel like I was pushed into my profession. My parents are/were computer people. My brother is a computer person. It is natural to assume that I would also enjoy the occupation. I didn’t know, so I followed their advice, went to business school, and got an MIS degree. It was comfortable, because I knew what I was getting into.

I think that is one fault of being a parent. You love your child so much that your advice may be tainted towards a successful career versus a “soulful” career.

I’m not blaming my parents for pushing me in a certain direction. I’m glad they did. I’m sure if they weren’t supportive I’d be a floundering Liberal Arts major who had changed degree plans a dozen times before settling on psychology or something.

I now have a focused career path. I know where it will lead me. I know what my responsibilities will be if I continue. I know that most people would choose this path (if they had a chance) because it is profitable, and lucrative, and sounds impressive. I work hard, and I do a great job.

My current job is emotionally satisfying and challenging. There are definitely good days and bad. More good usually. But I truly believe that anyone can sustain a bad job as long as they know how long it will last. God Bless the navy for moving us every 2 years.
Maybe I don’t want to get too emotionally attached because I know I will have to give up my position eventually.

So, back to the question. “What do I want to do? There are left and right turns in my path, and I just want to stay on the road. Then again, someday I might just pull over and make a u-turn.

Posted by Sharon at September 16, 2005 03:48 PM

Comments

Post a comment